cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
