running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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