So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
