pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
