my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
