the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
