That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
