I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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