Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
