Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
