I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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