Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
