I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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