your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
