I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
