I love black thongs
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
