don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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