I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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