You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
