Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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