check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
