You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
