Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
