so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
