Your face is a jimmy john
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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