i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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