youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
