I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
