Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
