i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
