90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
