Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
