I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
