Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
