I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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