idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
