literally had 100 drinks last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
