I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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