I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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