trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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