I want to have your abortion
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
