You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
