Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
