I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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