This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
