New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
