i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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