worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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