I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
