I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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