Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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