she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
