then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
