The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
