o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
